


Plenty of Time

by Captain_Sh



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s04e15 Hunters, F/M, Fluff, Hunters, Short & Sweet, episode add-on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25381285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Sh/pseuds/Captain_Sh
Summary: Kathryn feels bad that she didn't know about Chakotay's letter from home.(Just a little something to round off Hunters to my satisfaction.)
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 28
Kudos: 50





	Plenty of Time

Kathryn spotted him leaving the mess hall and made her excuses to the small group that she was speaking with. She followed quickly behind him and managed to slip into the turbolift just as its doors were sliding shut. They closed before anyone else could join them.

"Captain." He acknowledged her with a smile, but now that she was looking for it, she spotted the weariness in his eyes and the slump in his shoulders. And here she thought that she knew him so well.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked softly, running her hand down his bicep to squeeze his arm affectionately. She'd meant it as a gesture of comfort, but as usual, her body tingled at the contact. She took a steadying breath - this was definitely not the time or the place for these feelings.

"Kathryn?" He shifted his gaze from her face to her hand and back again, clearly confused.

"About the Maquis."

"Oh." His eyes fell to the floor.

"I heard about it from B'Elanna," she said, thinking back to the troubled look she had seen in the half-Klingon's eyes and making a mental note to speak to the Doctor about offering the former Maquis some sort of counselling service. "I wish you'd told me." _I wish you felt comfortable telling me_ , she wanted to say. "We spent all day talking about my feelings, but my news pales in comparison. This is so much bigger than that."

"I'm fine."

She tugged at him so that he turned to face her, but he still refused to meet her gaze. "You'd say that if you'd had your legs torn off by a Traykan beast," she teased lightly.

He gave her a wan smile and her heart ached for him. She'd been so caught up in the conflict with the Hirogen, her "Dear John" letter and all its implications for her relationship with Chakotay, that it hadn't even occurred to her to ask if he'd received a letter from home. She thought back to her father, her first fiancé, Justin, and their tragic deaths. She had a pretty good sense of how it must feel to hear that all of your comrades-in-arms, your friends and your surrogate family had died. She wasn't sure she'd be able to function if she'd received similar news, yet he'd faced down the Hirogen with her and, as usual, he'd prioritised her grief over his own. His words from a little over a year ago came rushing back to her: " _He would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burdens lighter_ ". Then it hit her like a Velocity disk to the face - it hadn't just been an ancient legend or a declaration of love, it had been a commitment. All day, she'd been wondering if the letter was a sign, debating whether to share her feelings with him, guessing and second-guessing whether he still loved her, and he'd been answering it all along.

She caressed the side of his face before tilting his chin up and forcing him to look at her. "You do so much for me." Her voice was thick with emotion. "But who looks after you?"

Finally, his eyes met hers and his breath caught. She'd looked at him that way - unguarded, with the full depth of her love on display - only once before. Back then, he'd been apprehensive, unsure of how she'd react to everything that his story was trying to convey. Now, he felt exposed, vulnerable, like she was seeing into the depths of his soul, to his very essence. Putting her needs first made him stronger. It never mattered what was thrown at him as long as he was focused on trying to shield her from the storm. Now, she was offering to take his mantle. It was meant as an act of kindness, but it bared him to an onslaught of emotion. He felt tears beginning to prick his eyes and he looked away. He'd never cried in front of her before. This wasn't how it was meant to be between them.

"Chakotay," she sighed his name as she folded him into an embrace. "I'm so sorry." _For your loss, for being so selfish, for everything I can't give you_ , she thought as his arms came up to pull her tighter against him.

Somewhere in the recesses of her mind she was acutely aware of his body pressing against hers and how warm and safe and right it felt. She'd remember and dissect this moment over-and-over again in the months and years to come, but now, she rubbed small circles on his back and tried to convey sympathy and strength and the full depth of her feelings for him.

He pulled away and she felt bereft. "It isn't fair, Kathryn," he said softly. He staggered to the wall of the turbolift and slid to the floor. Surreptitiously, she tapped the closest console, engaging the privacy lock before settling down next to him, her hand resting gently on his knee.

"I know it isn't," she said soothingly.

"No, you don't understand!" He snapped, a flash of anger in his eyes. "Of course, it isn't fair that they died. They didn't deserve it. They were alone, fighting for a cause that no one - not even Starfleet, for all its righteous claptrap - believed in. I gave everything up to join the Maquis, but I haven't given the cause a single thought in the last few years. Haven't wondered how they are doing, haven't hoped for their success. For the last four and a half years, I've been here, wearing this uniform, serving this crew, serving you and I've never been happier... but I had no right to be..."

"So you wish you'd been in the Alpha Quadrant? That you'd died a senseless dea-"

"Maybe I could have done something!" He said in frustration. "Maybe things would have played out differently."

"And maybe they wouldn't have. But I can tell you this..." she said, more firmly that she intended, " _Voyager_ wouldn't have made it through the last four years without you. _I_ wouldn't have made it through the last four years without you." She could see her admission beginning to temper his rage and guilt. His hand rested on hers and she entwined her fingers with his. "You were right Chakotay. I'm not alone. I'll never be alone as long as I have you... but I hope you know that you have me too."

There was a long pause. "I know," he murmured at last, resting his forehead against hers. She felt his warm breath on his face and began to soften. It would be so easy to indulge her feelings and kiss him, but the internal klaxon that she had trained to sound whenever they approached one of her "parameters" had gone off. _Parameters be damned,_ she wanted to say, but at the back of her mind she wondered if she'd still feel that way in the cold light of day - when she sent him on a dangerous away mission, or if he came back in a body bag. But she had to give him something. She wanted to.

"I know I don't say or show it very often-" He started to speak but she pressed on. "No, not in the way that you deserve. And, as your commanding officer, I won't always be able to tell you how I feel, but... I want you to know that I... that someday... I promise..." She paused, trying once and for all to find the right words.

"It's okay, Kathryn," he said, bringing her hand to his lips. "You don't have to say it, I know."

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. This isn't fair on you," she protested, but allowed herself to be drawn into a one-armed embrace. As she settled into his arms, he felt strength return to him once more.

"We have plenty of time, Kathryn," he said as he rested his chin on her head and breathed in her heady scent.

"Plenty of time," she echoed.

And they needed plenty of time. There were blonde Borgs and dark-haired inspectors to overcome, but there were also plenty of looks, gestures and touches that would slowly cement the promises that were made in the turbolift that night.

Content for the moment, Chakotay sent a prayer to the spirits: _I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but thank you. Thank you for your sacrifice, for bringing me here, for this woman, and for this moment._

END

**Author's Note:**

> I've heard it said that everyone has one turbolift story in them, but I didn't know this was going to be it when I started writing it - I even had anxiety that someone was going to walk in! I found this one tricky because I both wanted to get this story out of my system as well as somewhat abide by my (now broken) rule to keep my stories to canon and I've always thought that C/7 would never have happened if Janeway had just come out and expressed her feelings / asked Chakotay to wait. That's a long-winded way of saying let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!
> 
> ETA: DieAstra wrote a sequel to this story, which deals with the repercussions of Chakotay’s letter. I’d encourage you to read [Time Running Out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25402738).


End file.
